Self-Love the Concept

Self-love is a concept I know very well. My internal state has kept me from success, love, joy and other exalted human phases simply because of the way I felt about myself. It took me 35 years to learn that self-talk is not only what I allow from others, but what I allow from myself. That it can stem from verbal frustrations to silent angst that keeps negativity fed. Negative Self-talk is at the base of how we feel about ourselves, or our Self-Love. Only after we learn how to disarm those negative feeling, thoughts, and patterns, is when we start to realize how much we truly have held ourselves down. When we stop judging ourselves is when we start to live freely. There are ways to attain self-love, Here are some tips to help release that negative self-talk that keeps us from loving who we are. (For More on What is Self-Love check out my post below)  

1.

Hear How you Speak to Yourself

Learn to hear what you are truly saying to yourself. You might not even realize how you are influencing your own mental state, I certainly didn’t. I thought I was a positive person until I sat one day wondering why nothing ever went my way. I then realized that after every out loud “I got this, I can do it” I was following it with a feeling of “yeah right, no I can’t, I am not smart or good enough” It was such a quiet background feeling that I wasn’t even aware I was doing it. Learn to recognize the quiet negative voice inside so it can’t sabotage your best effort.

2.

Drop Those Emotions

Learn emotional intelligence. Emotions are essential and helpful, but when they pop out and take over your every day, they can ruin relationships, and drain you of energy. Once You become aware of your emotions learn to drop the negative ones quickly so that you can move on with your growth. Want to learn how to recognize and disarm emotions, here is Emotional Exercises to Stop Stress. This can help you up your emotional intelligence so that emotions help you instead of overwhelming you.

3.

Learn To Let Others Have Opinions

But realize it’s their opinion, not yours. Everything takes practice and learning how to let go off what others say or think about you is an important skill. It feels amazing being around others and feeling nothing but comfort at the thought that nothing they say or do will affect me. I know you are capable of this. Here is a quote from mediawebapps.com that really get to the point of other’s opinions.

4.

Rewire Your Brain

Re-wiring your brain to stop negative thoughts, feelings, and actions is not impossible. A trick to re-wiring is to substitute one action or reaction for another. So let’s say you usually hate doing dishes and work yourself out of doing them by merely having a blasé feeling and telling yourself it can wait. Instead, the minute you begin to “feel” that negative feeling start to think of a song or tune and repeat it over and over as you do the dishes. This trick can help your mind to substitute one pattern for another so that you can break the cycle of internal negativity. One of the ways I tout to rewire your brain that bares repeating, is to do daily meditation, My favorite and safe meditation is from the Isha Foundation.

5.

Use Grace to Attraction What You Need

We forget that feeling grateful for our current situation can be a way to make joy a habit. Grace is not only for the churchgoers or the spiritualist but for anyone who wishes to enhance self-love. With a grateful attitude, you can evoke a calm peace that feeds your soul and keeps your love for your life fully aware. If you need some help figuring out what to be thankful for here is a list  of 30 Gratitude Journal Prompts by Afternoon of Sundries  

6.

Go For It! Go Get Your Life

Doing things that once brought you joy can help you regain love for life and thus love for yourself. Treat yourself to doing things like art, listening to music, cooking, reading, skiing, and learning new things. It keeps life full, and your heart lively. I had to re-teach myself how to do those things that bring me joy. I started by writing down the things that brought me joy. My list included coffee in the mornings, hugs from my kids, reading in a quiet area, accomplishing a goal, and getting together with my friends. What are your joys?  

7.

Be Around More Like-Minded People

Find groups or meetups that enhance your life. Being around others who share your interest can help add to your motivation, and ultimately increase your chance of reaching your goals. I had to look in Facebook Groups, Instagram and Meetup.com for local groups in my interest category. It paid off, I now attend meetings and meet a local group that shares my same hobbies.

8.

Give Without Conditions

Giving a smile, a cupcake, or a doing something without the need for reciprocation enhances life. It adds joy to a day and can make you appreciate your own contributions to society. It makes you happy to give.

9.

Stop Envying Others

Last, stop envying others for what they have. This includes friends that hang out without you, or if your partner takes Mom out and not you. If you find yourself feeling envious, realize that you are not looking to be like them, but instead just need to do more of what you love and do it. Disconnect from the emotional envy and focus on something you can do to bring more joy to your own life.

10.

Learn To Say NO

Learn that saying no to those things that you don’t have time for can free up space to do more for you and your family. Learning to say no to people who take advantage, either knowingly or unknowingly, of you allows for only those people who love you to stick around. What a blessing being surrounded by those you value and love. Dr Julie Hanks has a helpful printout on ways you can say NO.

Self-Love Conclusion

The root of all my self-love tips is judgment. All my suggestions deal with stopping how you judge yourself and others. Try the above tips to help you let go of that self-judgment that distorts your perception of you so that you can learn to Love You again. Loving yourself is not about finding a new you, but about allowing what is there to exist without judgment. So get out of your own way, allow yourself to flourish.