Something Has A Hold On You
Disconnection is the term used in spirituality when something has a hold on you. These crutches hold you back, and they don’t allow you to move on to the next level of self-development. I have some tips for self-growth!
Why are some things more challenging to let go of than others? Alcohol can be easier to let go of for some than for others, and food might be your plight while it’s an easy disconnection for another. One explanation might be that it is harder to disconnect depending on what that thing the crutch covers.
So if alcohol is muting the old trauma of abuse, it might be more challenging than if alcohol was quelling loneliness. You can use different things to mute different parts of your subconscious.
It’s not uncommon to see a guru who lets go of almost all their connections, but they choose to keep one self-indulgent connection. But in their case, it is usually used as a form of a string that keeps them grounded to this earthly body. If they were to give up that one thing, they might find life in this plane complete and let go or die.
But we are not close to the development level of a guru. We have a few things we can disconnect from to adjust and move our self-evolvement up.
The Onion Layers
I see the self at the center of this disconnection onion. The self is not the brain, not the thinking ego. The self is the quiet guiding part of you we call the soul. The deeper you dig into this onion, the more solid it will be, the harder it to peel away a trait or crutch.
There are many crutches we use to deal with life like I mentioned, alcohol, but also overindulgence, sex, tv watching, and media. No wonder steps for self-growth never stick.
Aside from those physical forms of connections, there are more social forms of connection; Connection with behaviors, such as anger, jealousy, fear, love, and insecurity.
We call the connection a sort of addiction.
What qualifies as an addiction?
The definition of addiction is a disease that makes changes brain chemistry. This disease causes compulsive use of drugs or alcohol. Addiction includes excessive use that damages health, relationships, jobs, and other parts of everyday life.
But we can extend this to reactive behaviors. Why? Because our brain neural connection works the same way when we store engraved habits, it acts without much thinking to produce the same behavioral results over and over, and that’s why steps for self-growth never stick.
I know behaviors are not an addiction, but the same logic can be used. You are addicted to responding in anger the same way you are addicted to alcohol. One might be a chemical reaction and the other a subconscious reaction, but you can use self-aware consciousness to overcome both.
Fighting your mind’s impulses is hard-wired to do is very difficult if you are not using mindfulness to become aware of it. You first have to develop self-awareness.
5 Steps to Detach From Behaviors That Sabotage Self-Growth
Self-awareness is not as hard to develop as you might think, but it does take practice. The way you first disconnect from a reactive habit is to acknowledge it. Here are the steps to become more self-aware and begin to detach from behaviors that sabotage self-growth. These 5 Steps for Self-Growth are a must!
One: Pick a specific habit or reaction
Choose one of the behaviors you usually feel gets you in trouble. For example, it can be you jump in and say stuff without thinking. Or you yell at your children every time they do something you feel is wrong or dangerous. It can also be some feeling you are continually holding onto, such as shame when someone criticizes you.
Two: Observe the behavior
At first, I want you to observe the action. Watch how it arises within you. Force yourself to acknowledge it and be with the behavior. Every time this particular behavior happens throughout your day, please continue to be aware of it and observe it. During this observational period, ask yourself why am I feeling like this? Why did I react like that? What can I do next time not to react?
Three: Label your reactions
Your reactions are generally core reactions, things you do for self-preservations. The minute you acknowledge that these core reactions are simply ways your body tries to protect you from harm is the minute you remove the negativity associated with them. Your acknowledgment is now the “scissors” that you are going to use to cut the reaction. We are pack animals; we need a social circle to make us feel safe. It was self-preservation in the wild that keep us fed, safe, and loved. But we still use these instincts to react to our surroundings. The difference is instead of physical danger, we now have social threats. These social dangers make us feel unsafe like we will be pushed out of the pack.
Four: Skip the Reaction String
After practicing labeling and observing your reaction, I want you to act on stoping a reaction before it happens. This is hard to first few times you do it, but it gets easier. Before reacting in anger to a comment about why you did not do something. Ask yourself, what would be the end result in this situation? I would probably say what my intention was and fix the problem. So let the person know what you intended to do, without defending yourself, just making a statement, and then fix the problem. Once you do that, do not go back to the situation anymore. Part of the reason we continue to react is that we reinforce behaviors by reacting and reliving them in our brains.
Five: Practice Skipping The Reaction
Once you are able to do just one reaction skipping, you know you can do another one. Remember if you do it once, you can do it again. The mere fact that you become aware of your reaction disarms those reactions and puts you in control of your actions. Believe me, once you do it, you can do it again. You don’t need the reactions; you need the solution. So as long as you arrive at a conclusion without anger, self-loathing, and discomfort, you are satisfying a part of your subconscious.
Obseving My Life
I remember my very first self-aware reaction. It was weird to be the observer in my own life. Instead of seeing my behaviors as part of me, I saw my behaviors as something that I could control and change. I no longer felt powerless; it gave me so much comfort to know that I was not mean or a jealous “person.” That behavior is not me, just as what I wear is no reflection on my soul, it’s just a shell, and I can choose the shell that best suits my current situation.
Self-awareness is a practice that takes time to master; it takes turns and twists. Some lessons even repeat until they are learned. Don’t be hard on yourself. The number one way to improve faster is to allow yourself to fail and forgive as often as it takes.
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