Why Self-Esteem Can Be Improved With Self-Compassion

Why Self-Esteem Can Be Improved With Self-Compassion

Hidden Low Self-Esteem

I never thought I had a major problem with self-esteem. However, I was never overly self-confident either. Since it was never a part of me I questioned it took me a long time to realize that some of my problems might be due to low self-esteem.

How did I a typical seemingly confident person not realized that a big part of her self-sabotaging problems stemmed from low confidence?

It was for the same reason that a lot of people go years with success issues, self-love issues, or wrong relationship issues. Definitely, it’s because you often forget to sit quietly and really get to the root of what you are believing about yourself.

Behind your actions, there is this quiet voice that controls you. Namely, it controls what you succeed at or what you allow yourself to believe about you. Thus, our inner voice is there quietly steering, and you don’t even know it.

Up to this point, I thought I was a positive person until I sat one day wondering why nothing ever went my way. I then realized that after every out loud encouragement I was following it with a quiet internal feeling of “yeah right, no I can’t.” In short, it was such a quiet background feeling that I wasn’t even aware I was doing it.

Catching Myself Being Negative

These background feelings where constant in my life, no wonder I was not getting ahead. Besides, who would with such a negative weight? I then began to catch myself every time I would get one of those feelings and corrected it, not with a word but with a feeling. As a result, every time I would catch myself being negative I would replace it with a kind gentle encouraging feeling. You see, you have to learn to recognize the quiet negative voice inside so it can’t sabotage your work.

This disarming of my old ways took me a long time, but that was because I did not realize how deep my negativity was. Just like I always had assumed I was a positive person because I would always push past and encourage myself to do things and look at life with a can-do attitude.

Many people do things to work on their self-esteem, but that will not produce change if your framework is negative. With this in mind,  to change the cause of your low self-esteem you have to recognize the negative self-talk.

Another name most often associated with self-talk is self-love. In a way, self-compassion is self-love. One and the same, to love you as you are you must have compassion for you. To sum up, compassion is the ability to quiet that negativity in the background. The negativity that can look like negative feelings, or even negative self-talk. altogether, when you stop judging yourself is when you start to live freely. Subsequently, there are ways to attain self-compassion, here are some to help release that negative self-talk that.

Below are Seven Methods for Self-Compassion: Learn them One at a time or All at the same time for maximum self-esteem changes.

Method One: Learn How You Speak To Yourself

Learn to hear what you are truly saying to yourself. You might not even realize how you are influencing your own mental state, I certainly didn’t.

Begin by noticing things around you. While you are noticing things just see without judging it, look at colors, smells, lights, sounds, people talking, cars passing…basically, anything that is in your surroundings. Enjoy things around you, the smell of nearby restaurant, the breeze, or even the cool morning air. Practice daily for a few minutes where ever you are. The more you practice this the better you will get at being present in any situation and more aware of your own body. In short, being aware of your body will lead to you being aware of your emotions. Listen to those emotions and hear what they are telling you.

Method Two: Use Compassionate Talk

Anytime you are being hard on yourself, pretend to say what you would say to someone in kindness. Use the compassionate internal voice to change your own internal talk.  Be more compassionate to yourself and then forgive your faults. Furthermore, the more compassionate you are the less self-judgment you hear and the more self-confidence you will build.

Method Three: Re-wiring Your Brain

Re-wiring your brain to stop negative thoughts, feelings, and actions is not impossible. In fact, a trick to re-wiring is to substitute one emotion for another.

You can train your mind to let go of self-judgment that stunts your productivity. Try this, the minute you begin to “feel” negative feelings start to think of a song or tune and repeat it over and over as you do work or as you make your way to the front of a meeting. This trick can help your mind to substitute a pattern of fear with another unrelated emotion so that you can break the cycle of internal negativity.

Also, one of the ways I tout to rewire your brain that bears repeating is to do daily meditation, My favorite and safe meditation are from the IshaFoundation.

Method Four: Drop Those Emotions

Learn emotional intelligence. Clearly, emotions are essential and helpful, but when they pop out and take over your every day, they can ruin your own ability to see your potential.

Once You become aware of your emotions learn to drop the negative ones quickly so that you can move on with your growth.

Want to learn how to recognize and disarm emotions, here is Emotional Exercises to Stop Stress. This can help you up your emotional intelligence so that emotions are easier to disarm if they are negative.

Method Five: Disarm Those Fears

Learn awareness of what triggers your fear and instead of running away, disarm them. Recognize what the triggers are first, and then ask yourself, what is the worst that could happen if I face that fear? Then push through that discomfort.

One way to help push through the trigger pain is to pretend its a bubble and pop it, let that fear dissolve with that pop. If it doesn’t work the first time, do it again. Practice this fear release to disarm triggers.

It’s amazing overcoming what we see as insurmountable mountains. In most cases, they become molle holes and surprisingly that is a great self-esteem boost.

Method Six: Let Go of Insecurity

Other people around you should not make you feel less than. Learn to accept other people’s successes. Just because a friend is doing well does not mean you are a failure. So, stop comparing yourself! Be compassionate enough to let go of jealousy. Generally, everything takes practice and learning how to let go off how you feel about others takes practice too.

It feels amazing being around others and feeling nothing but comfort at the thought that nothing they say or do will affect you. In addition, you will find running your own race more productive.

Method Seven: Use Grace to Enhance Self-Compassion

Don’t forget that feeling grateful for your current situation is a way to make joy a habit. Indeed, grace is not only for the churchgoers or the spiritualist but for anyone who wishes to enhance self-compassion and self-love.

With a grateful attitude, you can evoke a calm peace that feeds your soul and keeps your love for your life fully aware. If you need some help figuring out thankful things here is a list of 30 Gratitude Journal Prompts by Afternoon of Sundries.

Method Eight: Give Without Conditions

Giving a smile, a cupcake, or doing something without the need for reciprocation enhances life. It adds joy to a day and can make you appreciate your own contributions to society. Above all, it makes you happy to give and be compassionate.

Therefore, the happiness you derive from compassion, in turn, can help you be more compassionate to yourself.

Method Nine: Be Around More Like-Minded People

Find groups or meetups that enhance your life and self-worth. Being around others who share your interest and have high self-esteem can help add to your motivation, and ultimately increase your chance of reaching your goals. Therefore, the more goals you reach the more self-confidence you will have.

I had to look in Facebook Groups, Instagram and Meetup.com for local groups in my interest category. It paid off, I now attend meetings and meet a local group that shares my same hobbies.


Finally, the root of low self-esteem is judgment, work on your self-esteem through compassion and stop your self-judgment. Especially, make sure you learn to recognize quiet background negativity, becoming aware of it can help you disarm it so you can succeed.

Compassion heals the internal voice that keeps you down with its negativity. Use the following tips to change it; Learn how to speak to yourself, disarm emotions, face your insecurities, rewire your brain, disarm your fears, use grace, use compassionate self-talk, give to others, and surround yourself with like-minded people.

Try these nine methods to help you let go of that self-judgment that keeps your self-esteem low, and be more compassionate and forgiving to yourself.  

In summary, rebuilding my self-esteem took a while, but it was worth it. Imagine being able to lose the fear! What would you do without fear?

Self-esteem is not about finding the lion inside you, but allowing what is there to exist and flourish so you can conquer your dreams.

Lucia Del Carmen

Author’s Note:

It takes work and dedication to change the things you want to change. Practice makes easier, but consistency makes better.

Public speaking used to make me cringe, if I had to stand in front of others I would begin to tremble.

Now I am very calm about most things. But, it doesn’t mean I am lifeless, on the contrary, my pep for life increased and I stand up for myself more. I just happen to do it with a lighter beat.

So, don’t be hard on yourself, you can change and be what you envision yourself being. Self-confidence is about being compassionate and not judging yourself. Accept the things that are not working and being willing to work on them.

There is a reason you felt the need to visit a site like mine, you are seeking to change those things that stop you from achieving more. Stay a while, read some articles, and be okay with changing things that you need to change. Change is good, growth is a must.




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Lucia Stakkestad is an emotional regulation teacher with over a decade of experience in helping individuals gain insight into their feelings and learn methods to handle their emotions more effectively. Not only does she specialize in emotional regulation, but she also teaches evidence-based mindfulness practices that can help you reduce stress and anxiety, build healthier relationships and develop self-awareness. With her guidance, you will gain a better understanding of your mindset, emotions and mindfulness and learn how to make positive transformational changes in your life.

Lucia Stakkestad

Lucia Stakkestad is an emotional regulation teacher with over a decade of experience in helping individuals gain insight into their feelings and learn methods to handle their emotions more effectively. Not only does she specialize in emotional regulation, but she also teaches evidence-based mindfulness practices that can help you reduce stress and anxiety, build healthier relationships and develop self-awareness. With her guidance, you will gain a better understanding of your mindset, emotions and mindfulness and learn how to make positive transformational changes in your life.

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