Your Self-Worth is Not Defined By The Way People Treat You, And Here Is Why!
Your Self-Worth is Not defined by the way people treat you, and here is why! We all think that when people argue or mistreat us that it’s about us. I am here to put you at ease; it’s not. The way they treat us is a reflection of themselves.
No amount of explaining or pursuing is going to change a person’s perspective of themselves. But there is one thing you can do; you can change how you view yourself based on their treatment of you. Here is how to improve your self-worth and not let the way people treat you to drag you down.
Understand What Their Comments Say To You About You
It took me a long time to fully understand that when a person talks to me in a less than desirable way, it says a lot about them, but at the same time can clue me into what sets me off about me. You see, the way we react to others when they say hard, awful comments can clue us as to what hurt us as children.
The comments we hear from others that hurt deep are something we believe fully about ourselves. But if those comments resonate with our soul, maybe our soul is what needs fixing.
When my husband would say that having a side job would make me a less effective mother, I cried and seethed within. How dare he say that I would be a sub-par mom because I choose to follow my dreams.
But the reason it made me feel so crummy and inadequate was not that it was true, but because deep down inside my soul, I felt I wasn’t worthy of success. If I was to face the reason for that feeling, I might go into darkness i wasn’t ready for.
What is your reaction telling you about yourself? Yes, your husband, friend, or parent might be a douche head, but what about that comment set you off. Why did it hit a raw point and make you want to run instead of face it?
Confronting our darker self is scary and, at times, knee-buckling, but it’s the only way to get to the bottom of your truth and heal from a more lasting point.
Learn The Core Self-Beliefs That Keep You In Darkness
As I have mentioned, the self is reacting to the comment based on our connection to that comment. How do you relate to what your partner, friend, or parents say and what it says about you?
To begin to find your inner hurt child, you have to do some serious deep trauma work. I suggest that you don’t do this on your own unless you are a healer or have work in psychology. It’s just too messy and deep.
Make sure it’s someone who will uncover deep core beliefs such as what you believe about your worth, love, and safety. These base hierarchy needs are the needs that got implanted nicely or f-up major during the early childhood stages.
If you are a taughfy like me, I say this not in the least in a boastful manner. YOu might be in for some rude awakening; your toughness is not a gift. It’s a weakness. You put up such a thick shell that it’s going to take a major ice pick to try and loosen the hard shell of lies and ugliness you have learned about yourself as truths.
But just because you are hardened does not mean you won’t heal; you will have a harder time. Once the shell is loosened, and you see the kind, gentle deserving soul underneath, you will realize you are wonderful, and toughness was not needed.
Work On Disconnecting From Your Distorted Self-View
Once you have a good idea of what core beliefs you had damaged as a child, work on disconnecting your hard hold on those beliefs.
See my emotional regulation exercises to disconnect from the emotional trauma you still grip on. I also recommend the Sedona Method by Hale Dwasky. It’s a marvelous method similar to mine but geared more towards letting go of the deep trauma and core beliefs.
Once you disconnect from the core beliefs, you might feel a little lonely, a little raw, and definitely like you have been through the wringer. You need to get plenty of sleep, good nutrition, and plenty of walks. All the self-care suggestions you read about are good to do at this point.
Add A little Spice To Your Life To Bring Back Self-love
Understanding that it’s a process is a must so you don’t get overwhelmed with the type of work it takes to break and rebuild yourself. Once you are healed and have taken time to rest, you can begin the process of rebuild.
Rebuilding is about slowly bringing back those things that you find fun and inspiring. It’s a lot more fun at this point, and you can take your time, try out activities, hobbies, and new aspirations.
This is the point where you practice self-love. Go to that dance you have always wanted to go to. Eat at that restaurant you always wanted to try. Look at everything through those newly healed eyes and begin to see the real you that has been hidden in a dark dungeon for years.
Self-development can be a bitter-sweet process that at times nocks your breath out of you, only to give you better, deeper clean air.
Self-Work Is A Self Paced Process of Love
No one comes into this earth haven chosen a perfect life to live. You come to earth to understand. Some of us chose darker paths and deeper lessons. But it’s okay, and those things bring about a richer life.
I have gone through some hellish stuff in my 43 years. It’s sad before, between 12 and 40, I didn’t let myself cry or feel my history’s rawness. I was so broken I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t feel. My husband would hug me, and I could not feel a thing. That is no way to live!
It’s time for your to begging your process of love, to work on that deep stuff that is causing you to question your self-worth. Your self-worth is not defined by the way people treat you, and now you know why. It’s about how you see yourself through the comments of others that matter.
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